Fear and Clinging

There are times, in my day-to-day journey when I find myself unable to differentiate the hallucination from the real, tangible world. What my mind's eye lays before me becomes so clear and authentic that I am entirely inclined to, and often do, believe they are all too real. Maybe it is the desert sun, or my period, talking here, but most times I don't really want them to go away. For the most part they are my guides, my protectors. Mostly... but there are times when suddenly they become violent and frightening. It is these times when I most fear going into public places, for fear of that one wrong move that may permanently label me a psychotic, thus removing my humanity in the eyes of the world. That is my greatest fear, to lose what little of a sense of humanity I have left. So when the fear sets in I run away from people and try to get back to a sense of normalcy. It is the root of all of my pain.